Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
