i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
