Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
