So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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