I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
