So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
