but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
