just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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