btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
