Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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