I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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