why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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