some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
