I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
