Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
