he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
