I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
