Where is the hickey?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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