I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
