woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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