I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
