Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
