Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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