dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Text me some of your sweat
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
