Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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