just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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