Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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