he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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