I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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