Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
wow bdsm is so cute
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
