dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
