fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
