guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
