I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
