i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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