Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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