What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
