she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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