Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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