I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
