Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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