i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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