My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have post one night stand depression
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