it's like iHOP with fire
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
