Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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