i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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