I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
