I think I died a long time ago.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
True strength comes from lack of pants
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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