I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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