I'm jealous of your bromance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
