don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
