insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
