I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
