Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
