Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
