I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
